I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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