Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
