Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
