you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
