Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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