Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
