Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
