Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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