so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm like, not good at living.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
