why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
