she was so not down for the gang bang
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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