I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
