I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
