i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
