Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
