I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
