By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
