but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
