i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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