At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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