Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
