I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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