Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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