we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
