Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
