shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
