i need an iv and a liver transplant
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I came so hard my ears popped.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
