Someone shit on the floor
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
