Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
