I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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