pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
