Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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