I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
