Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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