I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
