girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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