Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He shit in the fireplace
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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