his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
