How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
