she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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