Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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