batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
