Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
