Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
