Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
