i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
