Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
