so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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