I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
