have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
