the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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