guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
